As was stated a few times before, I am not giving up on this venture. If you’re still subscribed to my Patreon, there’s a 75 minute long video you can watch which I’ve been working on for the last few months, as well as a handful of scripts I’ve worked on which may or may not become videos due in the next day or two, just need to get them organised and make sure there isn’t any overtly objectionable content in them.
Even if it may seem that way, not at any point do I want to stop. I really have tried my hardest, but as time has gone on, I’ve realised how out of my depth I actually am. Most people who are capable of cranking out million view+ videos do so on a regular basis because they’re able to more efficiently channel their mind into creating and don’t spend so goddamn long fretting over every last second. They also tend to work with other people, which helps speed up the process. It’s the worst kept secret in “Yollywood” that essentially every big YT channel is made up of a conglomerate of scriptwriters, editors, and then the “face”.
I am every single one of those people. And it means I have to work extra hard to stay afloat.
Perhaps I’m annoyingly vain in that respect. I can already hear it now. I had a decent run of 9 months, bagged millions of views, kudos, and a small but certainly helpful war chest thanks to my dedicated fans at Patreon, but haven’t really done much since, much to my own chagrin. And I can keep saying I’m disappointed in myself for being unable to live up to past expectations, but all that does is further destroy my self-confidence and gets me nowhere. Even with all the long, previously mentioned issues, these are things every person face. It’s not really a good look to just sail off into the distance for an extended period of time at the slightest worry, and though I recognise that may be very well what I did, I’ve decided I can’t just continue down the same path.
There are four things I’ve decided I really need to do this month, and failing those, I should just quietly fade into the background and maybe try again in a few years time when I’m more disciplined than I presently am. But I still do not want to waste the opportunity I was given. That would be a shame.
The first of which is the Wiki. I made the rash decision to shut up shop till the beginning of the year, when I’d be in better spirits, but opted to delegate it until after I’d made a couple of videos. That still hasn’t happened yet. Mostly because I caught another illness back in late March/early April and somehow I’ve still got it.
The second of which are my emails. Of the thousands undoubtedly sent, I probably replied to maybe a couple hundred of them at most. I think my best course of action is to start up a new email, forget the old one, and delegate the role of reading/sending them to a friend so that I do not fall behind on them as I did so terribly last time. Maybe try a different provider to Outlook, as despite the number of emails which came through, I always found more that the app decided to sequester away into another inbox.
The third is to re-establish contact with my inner circle, as I don’t think I’ve talked to them since last Spring/Summer, as I just found myself too busy and swamped with work, as well as the generally stressful atmosphere I feel Discord to be. But with forums going the way of the dodo, I really have no other option unfortunately. It wasn’t so much a timesink as it was an excuse to account for my lack of performance.
The fourth? Getting some damn videos out. Getting back into the main YT account, sorting out the biggest messes, and hoping and praying the interest and fanbase I worked so hard to build up haven’t gone elsewhere.
That’s really it. There isn’t much more I can say without sounding completely redundant. I have said I’m going to set up a Twitter so I can find a way to get back into socialising on the regular, and despite Mr. Musk’s best efforts to completely tank the site, it still seems to be working quite well, and will help to centralise my efforts further. But that will be done once I’ve got everything else out the way first.
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